Autumn_Enigma: Where Angels Wish To Tread

My next fic...

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 12:32:00 GMT

Alright, I finished the first part of my new fic. This story is has a thriller/angst theme to it, but is mainly about Billy experiencing strange dreams, so much so he finds it hard to tell the difference between his dreams and reality.

In this story, there are certain things I have written, mostly in italics, like poetry and other things, which are things I have written myself, so do not take them or use them for yourself without my permission, but I’m sure you understand that anyway!

I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think. :)

Into Darkness, part one.

Into Darkness, part one

A small boy stands at the window. He watches as the lightning illuminates the sky and counts in his head one, two, three, four and then the rumbling of thunder follows-he closes his eyes tightly and bows his head very slightly. It’s almost as if he’s in pain over the sound. The rumbling stops. He slowly opens his eyes, blinks a few times and then looks to the window, listening as the rain roars against the roofs and chimneys, spilling over gutters and pounds against the windows. He thinks of how strange it is that there are storms in December-it’s not hot outside, not like in July or August.

He sees another flash of lightning this time, he only counts to three before the crash of thunder surrounds him again. There is only darkness in front of him and the dim glow of the table-light behind. He is engulfed in darkness. This time he closes his eyes and covers his ears. Pure terror grips his body. He has never felt such fear. It passes once again and all he is left with is rain. He opens the window; the latch is already wet from the small gap above the payne. The window isn’t very big, but he is small enough to fit through. He now stands upon the thin balcony-it can only be eighty centimetres in width and a small fifty in length. There’s only a small rail around the balcony, but it goes up to the small boy’s knees.

He looks back to his small room, the dim orange light of his table-lamp. The freshly made bed, the drawers and wardrobe. The room is complete. The room is perfect. It has everything in it that a small boy could ever ask for. But he doesn’t want the room and all its things. He doesn’t want a home in the greater parts of the city. He doesn’t want to be here, in this place, full of people he doesn’t know in a place he doesn’t belong. He wants to go home but knows that even if he did, he would only be brought back here. His door-handle moves down. Someone is coming in to see if he is alright. He doesn’t look back anymore. He looks forwards, waits for the lightning and stands against the rail. The bedroom door opens. The small boy jumps.

“Billy!” Dom shrieked.

Billy opened his eyes, confused at first at where he was but he saw Dom over him and his mind slipped into focus.

“Billy, it’s snowing!” Dom shouted.

Billy let out a small sigh and allowed Dom to drag him to the window. Snow in Glasgow was not a rare thing, but Dom’s excitement was inexhaustible. Billy smiled softly and nodded.

“Go outside then-let me get some sleep.” Billy said.

Dom grinned and looked to his friend’s tired face. His expression changed and he looked to Billy with great concern.

“Billy, did you sleep okay? You look really tired.” Dom said, softly.

Billy smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, I slept fine.” He answered quickly.

Dom frowned. He wasn’t sure. It wasn’t the first time Billy’s nights had been restless through disturbing dreams.

“Really Dom, it was fine,” Billy said.

Dom nodded and looked back to the window.

“I’m going to get dressed, and then we’re going outside. Billy get dressed so we can go outside.” Dom urged.

Billy sighed and half-wished he hadn’t invited Dom over for New Year. He shuffled Dom out the door and nodded.

“Get out, then. Make me a coffee and I’ll consider going outside.” He said.

Dom smiled. He nodded and quickly made his way back to his own room.

It wasn’t long before the two were outside wrapped up in scarves and coats-and Dom wearing his beanie. It was only a short walk from Woodlands terrace to Renfrew Street, but Billy had insisted on using the car. Dom had disagreed and said they had to walk because it was too icy to drive, despite the salt-grit and he wanted to walk in the snow, even though it was below freezing. Billy gave into Dom’s constant urging and agreed on walking instead.

“Did you hear the sirens last night? There were a lot more than usual.” Dom said.

Billy nodded.

“I noticed that. Maybe something happened in the city or something. I don’t know, maybe the preparations for Hogmanay are causing trouble.” Billy mentioned.

Billy shoved his hands into his pockets and walked a little faster. It was freezing today and even though had had three layers on he was really feeling the cold. Dom smiled as he carefully cupped a handful of snow without Billy’s knowledge and within seconds, he’d thrown the ball of snow against his friends back, only to be met with a snowball to his face from Billy. The scuffle lasted for only a few moments before they spotted a small crowd of people around one of the houses.

“Do they do it deliberately? Do they sit outside and wait for us to come along?” Dom asked, with slight aggravation.

“I don’t think it’s for us, Dom.” Billy said, picking up his pace as he saw the yellow strip around the steps and fence.

“It’s a crime-scene, not a fan gathering.” Billy concluded.

Dom’s eyes widened and he followed after Billy towards the gathering. The press were already there taking pictures of the scene yelling questions and demanding answers. Other people wept and looked on in shock and disbelief.

“I don’t think we should go down there, Dom. I don’t think it’s a good idea-especially with all the press.” Billy mentioned.

Dom nodded and followed Billy back down towards Bell’s Court. They headed back inside the apartment and decided to wait for a while before going back outside again. Dom turned on the television and flipped onto the News Channel.

“Oh god, Billy, come here.”

“The child, who has not been named for legal reasons was said to have been unhappy for sometime, though the reasoning for his death is still unclear. One witness said she had seen the boy jump from the balcony unaided, though another has since said otherwise. Emily Thompson is being held in court under suspicion of the boy’s death although there has been no sufficient evidence as yet. Police are still monitoring the scene and all other children have been moved into temporary accommodation until the bulk of the investigation is complete.”

Dom raised his eyebrows for a moment and looked to Billy after letting out a small sigh.

“Bloody hell, what do you think happened?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” Billy said rather sharply.

Dom frowned slightly but Billy said nothing more and left the room.

Billy clambered under the covers and curled up into a tight ball. He closed his eyes tightly; a slight frown creased his forehead. He bit his lip and tried to swallow back the tears. The curtains were still partly drawn but Billy could see the large chunks of white snow feathering down outside. He didn’t want to go back to sleep-in fact he wasn’t even tired, but his eyes were heavy and the more he curled up the more he found it harder to stay awake.

There’s a clock in the room,
Upon a pitch-white wall,
The clock is a deep black,
There’s nothing else at all.

The hands of the clock are a loud tick-tock,
No other sounds but that of the clock,
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

But time isn’t moving despite the sound,
The whole room is empty-there’s no-one around,
The clock is a shadow on the pitch-white wall,
There’s nothing else there-nothing at all.

The hands of the clock are a loud tick-tock,
No other sounds but that of the clock,
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

The whole room is empty,
Aside from the clock,
Nothing but floorboards,
And the loud ticking clock.

Who would’ve though time could be lonely?
As it stands all on its own,
The shadows against purity,
Is the boy standing all alone.

The hands of the clock are a loud tick-tock.
Until the day time stood still,
And something precious was lost,
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick tock

That was the day silence replaced the loud tick-tock
For that was when the loud clock stopped.

Flashing images, a graveyard, a church, the clock on the wall, black on white, white merging into intense brightness, the black shades melting into grey. The boy is running, the flashing images are quickening, a home, a child, an empty playroom, a mother, a daughter, a swing in a garden, a father a son, a sixth birthday party. A bedroom, a candle, a flash of lightning, a car crashing, the clock ticking, the sounds growing louder as the seconds pass the minutes, all in black-there are people all in black. A graveyard, a funeral, tears, another home and then another, screaming, crying anger and hurt. So many images and so much pain. Too much pain. The boy stops running. He faces Billy and smiles. Another flash of lightening with a dark crash of thunder. The boy screams and pulls out a gun. The boy aims and pulls the trigger, the sharp click of the stopper and then the release of the bullet.

Billy woke up; his heart was pounding in his chest he was in a cold sweat. He caught his breath a few more times and went to the window. He could see the children’s home from his window. It now stood dark and tall against the grey winter sky. The yellow strip around the building and the police outside made Billy feel very uncomfortable. He gave out a small sigh and decided he needed a nice mug of coffee. He went through to the living room expecting Dom to be watching television, but Billy’s body froze as before him, Dom was hanging from a noose tied to the light.

I feel:

It could only be a Pippin...

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 22:33:11 GMT

So I had another “Pippin moment”…

Anyone in the UK will know that there is a car-insurance company called “Churchills”. If you don’t live in the UK, well, there, it’s important you know…

This evening, I was watching this show with Sophie, and it turns out, that there was a MAN called Churchill, who played a very big part in the war. Now, excuse me for being so completely stupid, but I just thought that Churchill was the voice of the animated dog for the car-insurance advert.

I vaguely remember someone being called Churchill in my history lessons, but it was only today that I finally made that connection. I sometimes wonder where my head really was at school, I really do…

And yes, I am naturally blonde, in case you were wondering.

I feel:

Somewhere, beyond the sea...

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 16:43:01 GMT

Alright, so here I am in England...I got here this morning, Sophie met me from the airport, and we've had a fun day. After I got settled at her place, we went out to get some food. We went out to Asda and got a various supply of things, including donuts!

Anyway, in the car, I put my sunglasses on, opened up the donuts and started to nibble on one...only to find it wasn't a jam donut like we had both thought. I kind of felt myself wretch a little, as not only were they toffee flavoured, they were toffee AND cinnamon. My god, I felt my stomach pulse! So I sit close to the window, getting ready to vomit it up, and once it starts, I stick my head out the window, but since were are on the motor-way (or high-way, if you’re American!) the air-force, kind of blew my sunglasses off my face! So they flew off alongside my vomit out the car window, leaving me rather disgruntled! I turned back to Sophie and just kind of whimpered, but she was too busy laughing at me. WAA! So, I felt somewhat embarrassed about my little fiasco!

So we’re going to have to have a little trip at some point to get some new sunglasses! I can’t live without my sunglasses! And as for those damn toffee and cinnamon donuts…well, I wasn’t very happy about those either!

Still, it’s been a good day. We watched Return of the King this afternoon, because we’ve not watched that together for a while. It was nice to do that with Sophie again. It’s just not the same when you watch it on your own.

Anyway, I have been saying I have another fic lined up and hopefully the first part will be completed and I can post it later on tonight. Thank you all very much for the kind things you said about my last one. I really appreciated it, so thank you all very much.

I feel:

Burning up, part six. At last! :)

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 22:05:33 GMT

Here is the 6th and final part of my story. I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think and thank you all so much for all your kind words and all the things you have said as I have been writing this. I really am grateful, so thank you very much. Anyway, here it is:

Burning up, part six

Burning up, part six

Dom stared, open-mouth, not believing it at first. He felt his whole body turn numb. “Bills?” he shouted. He lowered himself on his board and swam out, back down to Billy’s board. He grabbed it and felt his heart beating fast.

“Billy!” he shouted.

He slid off his board and scanned the shoreline, not seeing anyone. He looked back and saw the mouth of the wave arching up. It wouldn’t be long before it crashed down on him. He pushed away all his feelings of fear, upset, and dread-all those things. He took a deep breath, let go of his board and dove under. He franticly searched for any signs of Billy, narrowing his eyes, trying to see against the salt water. He felt himself panic when he saw nothing. He felt the current shift, the wave had passed. He came back to the surface and caught his breath.

“Billy! Where are you?!” He cried.

Billy’s board had been carried back to shore by the wave but had broken in two by the sheer force of it. Dom’s heart sunk. Broken in two like something so weak. He felt tears burn the back of his eyes. He whimpered a little, not quite knowing what to do. He watched as another wave rose upwards, took in a breath and dived under again. He swam around, searching franticly, looking for any signs of his Billy.

His mind was buzzing. Flashing images whirred in his mind. A sunset, a sunrise, a mountain. A plane, somewhere he’d never been. A forest, costumes, swords, the countryside. New Zealand, on set. Laughter, a drink, a birthday, Elijah, Sean. Tall buildings, wizards, Elven music, another language, his first day. A script, a trailer, a scene, leaves, a tree, a wooden door, a party, a horse and cart, a kingdom.

All of these images, all the things of New Zealand he’d forgotten but suddenly remembered. Everything that showed him what it was to be an actor. Everything that provided him to have his big break. He saw it, suddenly, burning right in his mind. Pippin. Billy. His Pippin. His Billy. Next to him, holding him, telling him it would be alright. Under the water, Dom twisted round and screamed Billy’s name. He saw something below the current. Below the shift of the tide, he saw something. It wasn’t just an image in his mind. It was real. He saw Billy, lifeless on the bottom of the ocean.

Dom rose to the surface, taking another deep breath and swimming under quickly. Suddenly, his body felt as though it was on fire. Emotions ripped through him, heating up his heart and mind. His heart pounded in his chest as he swam against the current he pushed downwards, finding it hard to swim down as the waves pushed on him. He felt heat surge through him and saw Billy again. His eyes were closed. Dom got closer and saw Billy’s foot was caught on something.

Something inside Dom, suddenly clicked. Within the surf, under the weight of the sea, his depression was burning up, burning away. Shifting. The weight on his chest was moving. The person that had bought him here was trapped and Dom needed to be himself to free him again. He pushed against the changing tide, forced himself to go down and reached Billy’s side.

“You’re not leaving me, Pippin,” he thought, moving downward to Billy’s foot.

He found the seaweed; saw how tightly it had wound itself around Billy. Frustrated, Dom fought with loosening it, finding it harder to breath as his air ran out. He worked faster, trying to free Billy, suddenly realising he had know idea how long Billy had been under. He broke it loose, ripping the weed off him and throwing it aside. He swam round and grabbed Billy under the arms and began to swim upwards.

He bought them back to the surface, coughing as gasping for air, as he struggled to hull Billy up. Billy was still lifeless in his arms, but Dom began swimming back to shore. Another wave thundered behind him, Dom looked back, fear filling his whole body.

“Stay with me, Bills,” he shouted, tightening his grasp on Billy.

Dom braced himself, waiting for the wave to come. He couldn’t take them back under. Not if Billy had been down for so long. He began to swim hard against the waves, trying to beat the current. He held Billy tightly and pushed himself to go forwards. He glanced back, seeing the wave getting closer. Before he knew it, the wave crashed down on them both. The force of it, knocking Dom downwards. He let go of Billy as he was pushed down, struggling to get back to the surface.

He swam upwards, trying to get his breath back and spluttered as he came back up. He searched for Billy and saw his friend being carried lifelessly on the wave.

“Billy!” Dom screamed.

He followed after as fast as he was able. He reached Billy, feeling nothing but wanting Billy. Nothing but needing to get back to the shore. Nothing but everything that made him who he was. He gasped and reached out for Billy finally reached the edge of the shore, dragging Billy with him. The depression had burned up. Withered away into nothing but ashes.

Dom pulled Billy onto the beach and ripped open his wetsuit. “Come on, Billy,” Dom panted.

Dom pushed down on Billy’s chest, counting to five and then, going to his mouth and breathing down.

“Come on, man,” he begged, repeting the process over and over. He wasn’t going to give up on Billy.

Almost seven minutes passed. It seemed like three days. Dom sighed, sensing now, it was too late. Billy had been under for too long. Dom felt the tears well up inside him and felt the burning his eyes. He knelt down and rested his head on Billy’s chest.

“Don’t go.” He whimpered. “Please don’t leave me on my own.”

Suddenly, Billy wretched upwards, coughing and spluttering, gasping for air. Dom looked up, shocked but relived and wrapped his arms strongly around Billy’s shoulders.

“Billy!” he cried. “Billy, you’re alright. It’s ok.” He said, rubbing his back as Billy coughed some more.

Billy spent a good five minutes coughing, gasping and spluttering before he finally got his breath back.

“You…saved me.” He whispered.

Dom held him close, resting Billy’s head against his own chest. He ran his hands through Billy’s hair and kissed the top of his head.

“I didn’t.” Dom whispered.

Billy was silent, he breathed deeply, inhaling and exhaling like it was his first time breathing.

Looking out to the ocean as the waves washed in and out, Dom felt his weight, the thing he’d been carrying with him, the depression, everything wash way with the tide. He could see the sun-spots making millions of shattered diamonds on the sea. The clouds lining the sky like wisps of candy-floss. The sun rising over the ocean, casting deep colours and such warmth. He saw the beauty and the nature. He could finally see the magic.

“You did.” He told Billy, hugging him close and tight. “You saved me. And you carried me all along.”

Billy rested up against Dom and looked out to the ocean. He’d never stopped seeing it. He smiled now, knowing as they stayed there, getting their breath back, holding onto each other, everything, he smiled knowing that finally, Dom could see it again too.

The birds flew across the sky, flitting back and fourth. Billy looked up to Dom, seeing his friend’s familiar face. A soft tear fell from Billy’s eye and down his cheek. He saw Dom was crying those same, happy tears. There was no need for words.

The cloud had lifted.

The end.

I feel: I hear: "A boy named sue", Johnny Cash

How lucky! Two in one night!

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 20:38:40 GMT

Burning up, part five

Burning up, part five

Billy had taken the bottle-opener away. He carefully dabbed some damp tissue over Dom’s arm, only to find it was hardly anything.

“Did it help?” Billy asked, very softly.

Dom shook his head. His eyes were red with tears and he sniffed quickly. He bit his lip and blinked a few times.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

Billy didn’t say anything. He finished seeing to Dom’s arm, holding the tissue in place and then finding a small plaster to put on the cut. He sighed and finished off, then looked up to Dom.

“I don’t want you doing stuff like this, Dom.” Billy said softly. “And I especially don’t want you telling me I need to get some balls, just because I was seeing some fans.” He said.

Dom nodded. He was feeling very sorry for himself. He knew Billy was right. He sighed and placed his arm back on his lap. He avoided Billy’s eyes and tried hard not to cry again. Billy stood up and rested against the cubicle door.

“Why did you lose me?” Billy asked softly.

Dom shrugged. “I didn’t.” he said. “Not really. It just felt like it.” He sighed.

Billy frowned. “Why? Because I was seeing my fans?” He asked gently.

Dom nodded a little. “Well, just when I told them to leave you alone. I saw you looked annoyed. That’s why I did it. I was trying to stick up for you.” He said.

Billy nodded and sighed a little. “I know, and I never said I didn’t appreciate that.” He said softly. “But you did it right in front of all those people. Not just the fans, but the people in the lounge.” Billy knelt down. “In front of those little kids,” he said.

Dom nodded. He knew what Billy was getting at. He felt annoyed, still, but accepted what Billy was saying.

“That’s why I said it was alright.” Billy said.

Dom sighed. He sat in silence for a long time and just felt the throbbing of his arm run through his veins.

“I’m sorry I said that to you,” He said softly.

Billy nodded. “It’s alright,” he said. He stayed kneeling in front of Dom, but waited for his friend to speak.

“I’m sorry I’m such a bloody wanker that all I do is embrasses you. I’m sorry I’m such a fucking bad person and friend, that I’ll smash your face in, try to jump a lorry and then cut myself, even when you said not to. Even when you bought me a new surfboard and a ticket to Mexico with you. I’m sorry for everything, Billy. I’m sorry I’m the poorest excuse ever for being your Merry.”

Billy narrowed his eyes, listening to Dom speak. He shook his head and moved up a little close to Dom, resting his hands on Dom’s knees. He shook his head again.

“No, Dom. You’re not those things. You only think that because you’re depressed. And you don’t know what’s happening to you.” He whispered.

Dom looked at Billy, tears lacing both their eyes.

“When we get to Mexico, things will be better, you’ll see,” Billy told him. “You’ll be in a new place with new surroundings and you can break from being somewhere familiar.”

Billy held his hand gently. “You’ll have that feeling, the one where you’re excited but nervous at the same time. You’ll look at stuff you’ve never seen before. You’ll see, hear, smell, taste—every sense you have—you’ll experience something new. Something different.”

Dom looked at him and wiped his eyes with his free hand. “Like in New Zealand?” He asked softly.

Billy nodded. “Yes. You remember when we were in that car, and we saw all these new things, like, things we never even knew existed?” Billy asked.

Dom nodded.

“We’ll have that all over again. You’ll feel inspired.” He told him. “You’ll see the wonder and magic of who you are and why you wanted to be who you are.” He promised.

Dom frowned slightly, but tightened his hand on Billy’s.

“I could,” he paused. “I could still find myself then?” He asked.

Billy shook his head. “Not could, Dom. Will. You will find yourself again. I promise.” He said.

Dom nodded, he even smiled a little, despite his tears and his shock and fear at what he’d done.

“With you?” He asked.

Billy smiled softly. “Of course with me!” He smiled.

Dom nodded. “Then I want to find me again.” He said.

Billy smiled and led Dom over to the sink. He ran the tap and smiled. “Wash your face a little, then we can go back out and get our flight.” He said.

Dom nodded and did as Billy said. He took a little while to regain himself, but finally looked to Billy, smiled and nodded.

“I’m ready now,” he said.

Billy smiled and gave him a quick hug. “You won’t ever know how proud of you I am, Dommie.” Billy said.

Dom started walking to the door with Billy and smiled. Those words touched him more than anything else Billy could ever offer.

The waves rose high against the backdrop of blue sky. They crashed down, sending thousands of diamond-like sun-drops shimmering towards them. Billy held his board and smiled to Dom.

“The waves are great, Dom.” Billy said.

Dom nodded and smiled. He loosely held his own board and looked to Billy.

“I don’t know that I can do it.” He said. “I don’t feel very good.”

Billy nodded. “Neither did I when I saw waves that big. I almost shit myself.”

Dom smiled. “You know what I mean.” He said.

Billy nodded and walked a little closer to the shore. “I know, Dom, but when will you ever be able to ride waves like these?” He asked softly. “Today is a great day for it.” He looked to Dom. “Or you could just add it to your list of things to regret.”

Dom looked at Billy for a while. His friend was right. He nodded. “Are you going out?” he asked.

Billy nodded. “You lead, I’ll follow,” He said softly.

Dom looked at him and nodded. He carefully stepped out and watched the surf. He gave Billy another small smiled and ran towards the break.

Billy watched before taking to the sea himself. He saw Dom riding the surf with ease, taking the break and riding above it. Billy followed out, matched his timing and found his own break.

Dom laughed and gave a cry of accomplishment as he rose above it. “Bills!” he cried. “Look!” Dom turned back to see Billy behind him.

All he saw was Billy’s board floating on the waves. Billy was no-where to be seen.

...Last part coming up!

I feel:

After the rain has fallen...

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 16:15:43 GMT

I went to the interview today. It seemed to go quite well. The woman there, Sue, seemed very nice and she seemed pleased with what I told her and the answers I gave. She said she would let me know later in the week, so we'll just have to see, but I think it went okay. :)

I'm going down to see Sophie at the end of the week. I'm going to see her before she starts Uni again, so that will be a lot of fun! Aside from that, there really isn't too much going on with me, but my Aunt is doing much better, which I am very grateful about. She is still receiving treatment, but things have started to pick up a bit, so that makes me feel much better.

Can I also just say, a big thank you to those who have been reading my latest fiction, Burning up, I really am very grateful for you leaving comments and it really does make a lot of difference, letting me know what you think. So thank you all very much! :)

Burning up, part four
Burning up, part four
Dom’s body shook. He sat on the bathroom floor, playing the razor through his fingers. I gently ran it across his arm, lightly brushing the cold silver against his skin. He felt the tears run down his face and gave a small mumble of sobs. He’d tried to hold it together. He’d slept for over three hours, but when he had woken, Billy was asleep on the sofa. Dom had since gone to the bathroom and was now in this state. The worst part was that he didn’t even know why he felt like this. There was just a big weight on his chest and it wouldn’t move. He sniffled a few more times and pushed down a little harder as he ran the razor over his arm.

“You don’t have to do that,” A voice said.

He looked up. Billy stood in the doorway, his arms folded. He looked back to the razor in his hand and sighed.

“I didn’t know what else to do,” he muttered.

Billy sighed, lowering himself to the ground. He sat across from Dom. He looked at his face, saying nothing for a short time and he very slowly rolled up his sleeve.

“You want your arms to look like this?” Billy asked softly, showing Dom his own scars.

Dom glanced to them. He knew all about them. Billy had been very clear from the start that he was a self-abuser. Dom already knew this. He frowned slightly, wondering why Billy was showing him again.

“You want to have your own arm tell a story of everything bad thing you ever felt? A constant reminder of how bad things were for you, or how much it hurt?” Billy asked very softly.

Dom didn’t know what to say. He still held to razor, resting it delicately on his own arm.

“You can do it, if you think it’ll help,” Billy said, pulling his sleeve back down.

Dom sighed. “Did it help you?” he asked.

Billy shook his head. “I thought it would. I thought I could get all the anger and frustration I was feeling out, if I did that.” He sighed a little.

“Why do you still do it?” Dom asked.

Billy sighed. “I never faced my problems and learned how to cope,” he admitted.

Dom looked at Billy and frowned. He could half-understand what he was saying, but Billy always seemed to positive when he went out or did conventions and met fans.

“Why do you hide it behind a mask?” Dom asked.

Billy looked up and bit his lip. He ran his fingers over the tiles of the bathroom floor and shrugged a little.

“I’m an actor. It’s what I do. I spend my whole life wearing someone else’s coat, just so I don’t have to wear my own for a little while. But when it’s finished and I hang that coat back up, I’m still me. I’m unhappy, depressed, mentally scarred--whatever it is, I’ve never gotten over it, Dom. Even with my sister and all the people that love me. It’s not something you can just push away.” He explained softly.

Dom nodded. He looked at Billy before looking back to the razor again.

“But sometimes, you’re okay.” Dom said. “How do you do that?” He asked.

Billy rested back against the wall, seeing Dom play the razor against his fingers.

“I’ll write a song, play my guitar, do some martial arts and punch out all my frustration.” He said. “Lots of things,” he replied.

Dom nodded and sighed again. He frowned and let the tears fall across his nose. He put a little more pressure on the blades and ran it along his arm, leaving a small, thin scratch. It was barely even a graze.

“What about when you can’t find the hope?” Dom whispered.

Billy leaned forwards and gently took the razor from him. “I talk to my Merry.” He said, very softly.

Dom felt his whole body shudder as hard tears escaped him. Billy moved the razor away from Dom but caught him as his friend fell forwards into his arms.

He sobbed loudly and for a good while before finally whispering: “I don’t want to cut, Pip.” into Billy’s shoulder.

Billy gently ran his hand over Dom’s back, while he moved his other hand through Dom’s hair. He nodded and shushed him softly.

“And you don’t have to. I won’t let you,” Billy whispered back.

They were in the bathroom for a long time. Billy gently kissed Dom’s forehead and stood up. He smiled down at him.

“We have to leave soon,” Billy said.

Dom looked up at him and frowned. “Why?” he asked.

“The surprise I told you about,” he said.

Dom stood and very slowly left the bathroom. He saw his bags were packed in the living room and he looked to Billy.

“What the hell?” He asked, he seemed to grow angry.

Billy smiled and went to the kitchen pulling something wrapped over to him.

“Open this,” he said.

Dom frowned and did so. He unwrapped it to find a dark green surfboard with flecks of yellow and blue. It had a 1970’s “Peace and Love” motif on the bottom.

Dom looked at him. “You got me a new surfboard?” He asked, almost in disbelief.

Billy smiled, and handed him an envelope.

“And a plane ticket,” he said softly. He smiled. “You’re coming back to Mexico with me for a while.” Billy said.

Dom felt his heart skip a beat. He cried again, but went to Billy pulling him close.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Billy smiled and hugged him quickly.

“We need to leave for the airport now,” he said.

Dom nodded, grabbed his bags and his surfboard and headed down to the car with Billy.

Everything was going so well. They’d reached the airport and Dom had brightened up a little. Inside check-in, everything was fine and they weren’t bothered too much by fans or other people who wanted to talk to them.

As they were waiting in the airport lounge, a few people came over to Billy, as he was at the vending machine. He seemed a little annoyed, but sighed pictures and posed for photographs nonetheless. Dom watched from the far corner and sighed. A third and then a fourth fan came over and Billy had still not gotten anything to drink.

“Fucking hell, give him a break, will you?” he shouted, walking over.

Billy looked to Dom, surprised. He moved forwards and held Dom’s arm. “It’s fine,” Billy said.

Dom moved away from him and narrowed his eyes. “Are you guys bloody blind? He’s getting a drink! He just wants to get a bloody drink and you need to swarm him like fucking wasps!”

Billy attempted to apologise to his fans, and moved Dom away. “It’s alright!” Billy said, sounding annoyed.

Dom glared at him. “When will you fucking get some balls?” He asked.

Billy looked a little surprised. He gave a sigh. “I don’t mind meeting my fans. I’m sorry you don’t feel the same. It doesn’t mean I need to prove myself in some way, just because it’s something I like to do.”

Dom sighed. He bit his lip. He felt so annoyed. Why couldn’t Billy see he was only standing up for him?

“Well that’s a fancy kick up the arse. Thanks for standing up for me, Dom, thanks for telling them right,” He said sarcastically.

Billy ran his hand through his hair in annoyance. His patience was beginning to wear thin. He didn’t say anything else to Dom. He turned away and went to finished seeing to his fans. Dom sighed again, turned away from him and went to the bathroom.

Dom sat in the cubicle and cried hard. He was having no control over his emotions and it frustrated him so damn much. He finally gave into it, going through his pocket and pulling out his mini bottle-opener.

Billy glanced round, seeing Dom wasn’t there. He felt himself panic a little. He smiled to his fans once more. “Thanks! I have to get going, you take care now,” he said, and went out of the lounge. Dom wasn’t there. Billy felt his heart beating faster as he started walking up the hall. He scanned the place quickly with his eyes, but there was no sign.

Suddenly the bathroom door swung open. Dom stumbled out, holding his arm, blood running across his hand.

“Billy!” he cried.

Billy cursed before going over. He grabbed Dom upwards and pushed him back into the bathroom, closing the door and sitting Dom down on one of the toilets.

“What happened?” He asked, still in panic.

Dom didn’t look to Billy’s face. He whimpered a little and held his arm tightly. He didn’t speak for a long time. Eventually, his sobs lessened and his looked to Billy. There was so much hurt and pain and confusion in Dom’s eyes, that it hurt Billy’s heart to see him looking so lost.

“I lost my Pippin,” Dom finally whispered.

To be continued...

Edit: Oh, as I was looking for new icons, I found this one for you, Sophie. I just saw it and thought of you. I hope you like it:

I feel:

And you took the time to tell me you meant it.

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 17:27:17 GMT

I am going to see Sophie next week!! I'm going down to visit her before she starts Uni. It's going to be good fun and I'll be sure to take many photos and put them here afterwards. scruffehluvr did this meme, so I thought I'd give it ago, too...

Meme

Ten Favorites...

Favorite Colour: Blue

Favorite Food: Thai green curry

Favorite Movie: I can’t say just one. My choice changes daily, but within a list of favorites, I have: The
Crow, Edward Scissorhands, The Godfather, Braveheart, Bill and Ted and many others…

Favorite Sport: Any form of Martial Art

Favorite Season: Autumn

Favorite Day Of The Week: Friday

Favorite Ice Cream: Flavor Chocolate mint

Favorite Time Of Day: After 7pm

Nine Currents...

Current Mood: I don’t really have one. It goes up and down

Current Taste: What?! Hahah! That could be anything!

Current Clothes: Jeans and a black t-shirt

Current Desktop: Picture A little picture of Billy

Current Toenail Color: None

Current Time: 18:10

Current Surroundings: My bedroom

Current Annoyances: This fucking great headache I’ve had all day

Current Thought: I might go to the toilet…

Eight Firsts...

First Best Friend: Uh, now it’s Sophie…

First Kiss: When I was about 13…with the guy in my Art class!

First Screen Name: Pippin_Took

First Pet: A spaniel dog, called Tessa

First Piercing: --

First Crush A: guy I knew called Paul

First Music: Adam and the Ants and Prince

First Memory: I’d rather not say

Seven Lasts...
Last Cigarette: I don’t smoke

Last Drink: Sparkling water

Last Car Ride: This afternoon

Last Kiss: Last night

Last Movie Seen: Dukes of Hazzard

Last Phone Call: Sophie

Last CD Played: Enya, a day without rain

Six Have You Evers...

Dated One Of Your Best Friends: No

Have You Ever Broken The Law: Does stealing a pack of sweets when you’re 7 count?

Been Arrested: No

Skinny Dipped: No!

Been On TV: Yes, a very long time ago!

Kissed Someone You Did Not Know: No

Five Things You Have Done Today...
1. I’ve eaten food
2. I’ve spoken to Sophie
3. I checked and answered my emails
4. I played some music
5. Went out

Four Places You Have Been...
1. Pourtsmouth, England
2. Newquy, Cornwall
3. London
4. Inverness, Scotland

Three People You Can Tell Anything To...
1. Sophie
2. My brother
3. And that’s it.

Two Choices...
1. Life
2. Compassion

One Thing...
1. World Peace

I'm online now, if anyone wants to talk. :)

I feel: I hear: "Diamonds and Pearls", Prince

With these lazy days...

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 12:43:55 GMT

How's everyone's weekend been so far, then? Mine has been alright. Still, not much to report, but I spoke to a few people last night and it was nice talking to you all, as always! I have my job interview on Monday, at 2pm, so I'm partly looking forward to it as well as being both excited and nervous, but it should be fine! I might be seeing Sophie next week!! We'll have to see, but it would be great fun if I could. I'm sure we can arrange something...

Anyway, I have to get this place cleaned up, it's getting to be something of a mess! Let me know how you all are and hopefully we can talk soon!

Take care!
-Charlie.

Burning up, part three

Burning up, part three

Dom felt himself rising. His feet were off the ground, his eyes were still closed. All he could see was darkness and the distant sound of a horn. He couldn’t believe how painless that had been. He’d probably died the second he hit the lorry. It would have been too fast for him to realise how much it hurt. He felt himself falling backwards; he opened his eyes and frowned, seeing he was still here. He wasn’t dead.

“You’re not going this way, Dommie,” Billy shouted, falling back but still holding tightly to Dom.

Dom gasped for breath as he suddenly realised what had happened. Billy was holding to him so tightly. They both just lay there, on the grass, getting their breath back. Dom felt himself crying. His body was shaking.

“How, how did you know?” he whispered.

Billy did not let go, still getting his breath back and doing his absolute best to stop his anger and disappointment coming through.

He sighed. “I saw you from the window,” Billy told him softly.

Dom rested his head back against Billy’s shoulder and just felt himself shaking, he couldn’t stop crying. He couldn’t explain what he’d just done. He could give no answers to any questions Billy may have and the worst part was that he couldn’t even explain it to himself.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could whimper.

Billy ran his hand over Dom’s hair and nodded. “We need to go inside now,” he said.

He gently moved Dom up and once they were stood, he placed his arm strongly over Dom’s shoulders. They began walking slowly to the doors and walked in silence. Once they were back inside Dom’s apartment, Billy sat Dom down on the sofa and went to get the mug of tea he’d made.

“Drink this,” he said softly.

Billy stayed kneeling in front of Dom and watched his friend carefully. Dom drank a few small gulps and handed the mug back to Billy.

“Better?” Billy asked gently.

Dom nodded a little and sighed. His eye-brows furrowed and he felt himself crying again. He didn’t know what was happening to him. Billy sighed and tilted his head.

“Dom, would it be alright, if I was to give you a hug?” he asked softly.

This only seemed to make Dom cry even more, but he nodded. “Please,” he whimpered.

Billy leaned forwards and gently wrapped his arms around Dom’s shoulders, carefully bringing him closer and holding him tight. He didn’t say anything. He just let Dom cry into his shoulder and get it out of his system. After a while, Billy handed the mug back to him.

“Drink some more and then maybe you should lye down for a while.” Billy said softly.

Dom drank some more and did what Billy said. They went to Dom's room. Dom stood in the door-way as Billy pulled back the covers and Dom climbed in. Billy very gently pulled the covers back over Dom and tucked him in.

“Do you want me to pull the curtains?” Billy asked.

Dom nodded. Billy drew them and went back to Dom. He sat down on the bed and didn’t say anything. Dom sighed and looked to Billy.

“What’s happening to me?” he whispered. “I don’t understand.” He said very softly.

Billy sighed and tilted his head. He ran his hand down Dom’s face and smiled comfortingly.

“You’re depressed, Dom. But it can get better,” he said softly.

Dom felt himself crying again.

“But I don’t want to feel like this.” He said.

Billy nodded. “I know. It’s a nasty thing to feel, but you can get out of it.” He told him.

Dom knew Billy was more than aware of how it felt to be depressed, he knew enough to know the stages and what could happen. Dom trusted that. He watched Billy’s face as his friend spoke. He made sure he’d try to understand. Billy smiled.

“Later on, we’re going to watch Lord of the Rings,” he told him.

Dom frowned. He stayed silent but listened anyway.

“We’re going to look at all the extras and interviews and you’ll be able to see all those things you used to get excited about. All those things that made you feel like you had butterflies in your tummy.” Billy smiled.

Dom looked and him and smiled a little. “How we were made into Hobbits?” he asked.

Billy nodded. “Anything you want,” he whispered.

Dom’s smile faded but he watched as Billy continued to talk. Suddenly he stopped and smiled.

“But afterwards, I have a surprise for you.” He told him.

Dom looked at him. “For me?” he asked.

Billy nodded. “But I’ll tell you about it later. I want you to get some rest now, alright?” He said.

Dom nodded and smiled as Billy went to the door. He sighed, closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, wondering what this surprise could be. He still felt shock in his system at what he’d done to his friend and now almost himself, but part of him felt a little better knowing that Billy was watching over him.

While Dom was in his room, Billy sat down on the sofa, took a deep breath and finally let himself cry, realising he’d almost lost Dom today. He wanted to let it all out before Dom woke up and Billy would have to go back to being “Billy” again. He rested his head back against the sofa-back and just let the tears fall down his face.

To be continued…

I feel: I hear: "Creek Mary's Blood", Nightwish

Next...

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 23:27:42 GMT

I finished part two of my story...and I also worked on this banner for it, just for a bit of fun. I hope you enjoy the story, but it is pretty angsty, just to forewarn you. Please let me know what you think. Thank you! :D

Burning up, part two

Billy stared at himself in the mirror. He’d cleaned his nose, it had stopped bleeding and wasn’t throbbing half as much. His lip was sore, but not as swollen. He hadn’t even realised Dom had punched him on the cheek, but a small swell was bruising. He gently dabbed cold water over it and winced a little at the sharpness of the pain. He saw Dom standing in the doorway, in the reflection of the mirror.

“Can I see?” Dom asked very softly.

Billy nodded and turned to him, forcing a smile. “Hardly anything there,” Billy said softly.

Dom’s face remained solemn. He sighed and looked away, still not able to comprehend what he had done to his best friend. He looked down, ashamed of himself. Billy looked at him and sighed.

“Dom, I said it was alright.” Billy said softly.

Dom didn’t answer. He turned away and left the bathroom. Billy finished up, worried for his friend’s reaction. He followed shortly after and saw Dom in the kitchen, his back was turned to Billy. Billy frowned and stepped over.

“Dom?” he called softly.

Dom sniffled a little and dropped the knife to the ground. Billy felt panic rise through him. He went to Dom, placing his hand on Dom’s shoulder.

“Dom, please tell me you didn’t,” Billy said softly.

Dom felt the tears run over his nose and shook his head. He softly sighed and turned to face him. “I didn’t,” he admitted.

Billy breathed a short sigh of relief. He gently guided Dom back to the sofa and sat him down, before kneeling down in front of him.

“If anything Dom, don’t do that. You can drink what the hell you like, you can punch me all you want, but that-Dom, please, don’t do that.” He begged.

Dom looked to Billy, the tear lining his eyes. “You did it.” He muttered. “Still do,” he finished, his voice barely above a whisper.

Billy looked down and sighed. “I know, Dom, but from that I know I would never want you to go down that path.” He said softly.

Billy rested his hand on Dom’s knee. He smiled up and him compassionately and gently wiped a tear away with his thumb.

“I’m here to help you, Dom. I’m going to look after you. I’ll get you through this.” He promised. “We’ll get through it together. Like we have with other things.”

Dom smiled at that and nodded. The smile faded, they both knew it wouldn’t last long. Billy moved up to the sofa and sat next to him.

“How about we tidy this place up a little,” Billy suggested.

Dom nodded and slowly began collecting up his beer-cans and food-boxes and Billy moved to tidy elsewhere. After a good forty minutes, the place looked much better. They had collected enough to fill two black bin-liners and Billy hulled them over into the kitchen.

“That’s a little better!” he smiled, sitting back down.

Dom nodded. He sat down next to him and sighed.

“What do you want to do now?” Billy asked softly.

Dom shrugged. “What can we do?” he asked.

Billy smiled. “Well, we could listen to music, watch a film, go out for a walk, cook food, anything you want.” He said.

Dom shook his head. “I don’t want to go out,” he said softly.

Billy nodded. “Alright, well, do you want to put the television on for a while?” Billy asked.

Dom nodded. He flicked it on, turning the volume right so it was very low. He flicked through the channels and found a music one. “Its hammer-time!” he said softly.

Billy smiled and watched as Dom cheered up a little. He sat forwards. “What about a drink? A nice mug of tea?” Billy asked carefully.

Dom looked at him and nodded. “Yes please.” He smiled.

Billy went off to make the tea. Once he was gone, Dom did his best to hide his tears. Part of him felt better. Most of him felt very bad. Guilt lined his entire conscience and he didn’t like it. He looked back to Billy making the tea. He stood up and went to the kitchen.

“I just wanted to take the rubbish out,” he said grabbing the bags.

Billy smiled. “Oh, you want a hand?” he asked.

Dom shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine.” He said, opening the door and dragging the bags out after him.

Billy smiled and turned quickly, continuing to make the tea.

Dom felt the breeze on his face. He dumped the bags down and looked at the other gardens next to his. They looked so tidy compared to his. He sighed and looked at his knuckles. They were grazed and slightly bloody. He felt his chest tighten. That was his best friend’s blood, not his. He glanced back up to what would be the kitchen window and couldn’t see Billy there. Dom felt the tears run down his face. He looked forwards, stepped up to the road-side and saw after three cars, a huge lorry was coming down the road. He took one last look back to his apartment. Watched one car pass him, then the other, finally the third. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and stepped forwards.

To be continued...

I feel:

"And you took those wings and flew so high"...

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 09:52:35 GMT

My brother left this morning. He's going to America for two weeks for a holiday with some of his friends. I am pleased he's going and I know he'll have a good time, I just feel a little between upset and worried. It's just there's been lots of news about the hurricanes and things, and I know it seems silly to worry over it, he's not even going to be staying anywhere near Texas, but still. I had a shite night, last night. So I guess both those things, my brother and then last night, make up for my shite mood today.

I do, however, have an interview for Monday, which is good, so we'll have to see how that goes.
Anyway, I don't really feel like writing a huge update. I'm not in the mood right now. I'll update again a little later.
Take care everyone.
-Charlie.

Edit: I wrote a story, it's not finished, but please let me know what you think. I was inspired by that recent article where Dom said Billy helped him through depression. I hope you like it and let me know what you think of it so far. Thanks. :)

Burning up...

Burning up, part one.
Billy sighed on the seventh call, knowing he would just receive the same answer as before. “Hi, this is Dom. I’m not here right now. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you.” Billy ended the call and sighed again. He sat back against the sofa and ran his hand through his hair. He tired one more time and got the same message again. Billy shook his head a little and sighed very softly. He grabbed his jacket, pulled on his boots and picked up his keys, making his way to the front door and slamming shut behind him.

The curtains were still drawn. The room was sprawled with pizza-boxes, beer-cans, half-eaten take-a-ways, drink bottles and old clothes. Dom rolled over on the sofa and rubbed his eye. He pulled the covers over him and closed his eyes, trying to go back to sleep. Something had woken him. He frowned slightly and looked to his phone. Eight missed calls from Billy. Dom had left his phone on silent. He carelessly dropped it to the ground and rolled over so his back was facing the mess in the room. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone today.

Billy drove as fast as he was able, without risking the speed-limit. He stopped and pulled into a small convenience store. Going inside, he pulled out his phone and tried ringing Dom again. It was the same as all the other times. He checked his watch. It was almost three in the afternoon. Even Dom wouldn’t sleep in this long. Billy smiled to the woman at the counter.

“Just these, please,” he said, placing his goods down.

She scanned them through as he started texting Dom.

“Bag?” she asked.

Billy glanced up. “Oh, uh, yes please,” he said, looking back to his phone.

“Four eighty-two, please.” She asked.

Billy quickly fumbled about in his pocket and pulled out some change.

“Don’t worry about the change.” He said, grabbing the bag. “Thanks!” he said before making his way out.

Dom felt himself growing annoyed. He didn’t even know why. When he had first woken up, he’d felt alright. Not great, but good enough. That had been about two hours ago. In between that time, he’d gone from feeling alright, to upset, to annoyed, angry and sad. Now, he was annoyed again and was just waiting for when he could feel numb.

Billy finally pulled up outside Dom’s place. He grabbed the bag and made his way to the apartment steps. He pushed through the double-doors and took the stairs, climbing two flights and finally getting to Dom’s apartment. He knocked on the door and waited.

Dom sighed. He didn’t care for anything right now. Taking another swig from his can of beer he sighed and sat up. The knocking repeated.

“Fuck!” Dom cried.

Billy stopped. He frowned slightly.

“Dom?” he called, a little unsure.

Dom got up, throwing his beer-can to the floor, not caring that it spilled everywhere. He went to the door and hulled it open.

“What?” he asked.

Billy raised his eyebrows a little and looked to his friend’s face. Dom was pale. He had dark rings under his eyes and his cheek-bones were sunken and gaunt.

“I tried calling, I just wanted to come over.” Billy said softly.

Dom lent up against the door.

“Thought you’d just invite yourself over?” he asked.

Billy frowned again.

“Well, that never seemed to matter before,” Billy said.

Dom glared at him.

“What if I’m busy?” Dom asked.

Billy looked at him.

“What? Having a party in the dark? Dom, it’s almost half-three. There wouldn’t be anyone around to do anything with.” He said.

Dom narrowed his eyes; he suddenly felt the need for more drink.

“What the fuck do you care?” he asked suddenly. “You’ve got all your nice, shiny scripts coming in. All these fucking great projects lined up.”

Billy looked round and sighed.

“Dom, you’re drunk. Let me in.” he said.

Dom smirked.

“Can’t keep away, then,” he said coldly.

Billy pushed his way past Dom and stopped, his whole body tensed when he saw the mess. He went to the window and pulled back the curtains, letting the light into the room. He opened the window up and turned to Dom.

“What the hell happened in here?” he asked.

Flies buzzed around old food. Drink and food-sauce stained the carpet and covers on the sofa were almost brown with being so dirty.

“I guess I forgot to clean up,” Dom said.

Billy looked to Dom, trying to figure him out. He stepped over the mess and went to his friend. “What was that comment about, Dom? The stuff you said about my new projects and scripts.”

Dom didn’t feel as drunk anymore. He moved away from Billy and sat down on the sofa. “What? It’s true. You do have all that stuff.” He said.

Billy slowly walked over to the sofa, but didn’t sit down. He didn’t want to crowd Dom. “And that makes me care less about you?” Billy asked softly.

Dom shrugged. “Sean, Orlando and Elijah don’t talk to me anymore. I call them all the time. They’re either too busy to talk or I can’t get hold of them.”

Billy sighed and knelt down. “And you don’t think that happens with me, too?” he asked. “When I call them, it’s the same story for me.” He said.

Dom looked at Billy’s face for a while. Why wasn’t Billy pissed at him? Why wasn’t he telling what a mess he’d made and how stupid he was.

“Dom, we need to get you to a doctor,” Billy said.

Dom looked at him. “What?” he asked.

Billy stood up. “You seem-pretty depressed.” Billy said carefully.

Dom stood up, suddenly angry and upset. “What the fuck do you know? You’re not me! You’re never even in anymore! I don’t need a fucking doctor, Billy.” He shouted.

Billy stepped back. “Dom! It was just a suggestion!” he cried out, trying to keep his voice calm.

Dom glared at him coldly. “Well I didn’t fucking ask you to come over here and give me your medical suggestions. I’m fucking fine.” He spat back.

Dom went to the kitchen and got himself a beer. Billy followed after him. “You call all that shite in there fucking fine?” Billy asked. “You seriously thinking living in darkness is fine?”

Dom turned to him. “You’re not so pure, Billy. You did it.”

Billy narrowed his eyes. “That was years ago, and you know why that was.” He said.

Dom nodded. “Yeah, well you’re not so great. So, don’t come in here telling me how fucked up my life is, when you can’t even hold a bloody pair of scissors without being worried that you’ll do something to yourself.”

Billy took a breath. He didn’t expect that from Dom. He looked away. “I’m getting help for that,” he said softly.

Dom placed the can down and started clapping. “Oh, look at that. And best award goes to Billy fucking Boyd. Again.”

Billy sighed. “I came here to see if you were alright, Dom. That’s all.” He said, softly.

Dom smiled. “Well, now you’ve seen I’m over-the-top, hunky-dory, doing absolutely fine. You can go spread your well-wishes elsewhere, now. Off you go, there’s a good little boy.”

Billy looked at him. His face was almost emotionless. “You wonder why you don’t have friends, Dom.” Billy sighed, picking up the bag.

Dom felt the anger surge through him. Just as Billy had turned, seconds after he’d said those things, Dom lunged at him. He was on him quickly, pounding his fists into Billy, punching him hard and pining him down.

“Don’t you fucking judge me! No-one fucking judges me!” he shouted as he pounded his fists into him.

Billy cried out and reached up, grabbing Dom’s shoulders and trying to push him off. Dom’s hands were on Billy’s neck, tightening his fingers around his throat.

“Fucking judge me now!” Dom screamed.

Billy didn’t answer. He didn’t move or fight back. He started up at Dom, he frowned, trying to gasp for breath, but he did not react. Dom saw it. Saw Billy’s face, looking frightened and confused. He let go quickly, getting off Billy and running a shaking hand through his hair. He turned away from Billy.

“Fuck,” he whispered, feeling the tears spout in his eyes. “Fucking hell,” he whispered.

Billy slowly pulled himself up. He wiped his nose across his wrist, seeing blood. He felt his lip swell a little and swallowed slightly.

They stayed silent for a while, Billy slowly went to Dom and placed his hand on his shoulder. “Dom, it’s alright,” he whispered.

Dom turned to Billy, his tears falling down his face. “Bills,” he whimpered. “Billy, I’m, I’m sorry.” He said in a small whisper.

Billy nodded and pulled Dom close to him, he held Dom for a long time, letting his friend cry into his shoulder. “It’s alright,” he whispered, wrapping his arms tightly around Dom.

Dom sighed and cried hard into Billy’s shoulder. He knew his friend was right. He knew he needed help.

To be continued!

I feel: I hear: "Sadness", Enigma

Well, hello!

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 20:22:08 GMT

Got an Edward Scissorhands poster today!!! It's so cool!!! Thank you Sophie! :D I love it so much. It's just like the one they released in the early 90's! Yay!

Not too much to update with, only that Sophie and I will be seeing each other very soon, before she starts Uni again. So, we'll be sure to take lots of photos and post them up! I'm pretty tired right now, but if anyone wants to talk I'm online, with both AIM and MSN, so if you want to talk, I'm here. :) Hope you're all well.

-Charlie.

I feel:

One of those days!

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 12:21:14 GMT

I'm so bored today. Does anyone else ever get it, when you wake up, and your eyes actually hurt?! Grr! I'm pretty tired today, actually, but I did get some sleep last night, so that was good. And, just because I would really like a hug myself, right now, this will have to do instead:

Oh, and here's a picture I found highly amusing today:

And here's a few more pictures, for good measure:

I am: I hear: "Prince Charming", Adam and the Ants

This and that...

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 00:24:32 GMT

tigerlily_took, I am so sorry for just going offline. I have been having problems with my connection for a while now, and it just goes off. You didn't say anything to upset me or anything like that! Please don't think you did! Everything's fine, and, if its alright with you, I'd like to talk again. :)

Took a few quizzes, since I was bored...and I was quite pleased with the results!

You speak like Billy! I will now label you witty,
Scottish, and the perfect Pippin.

Which LotR male cast member do you sound like?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am like Pippin. I am funny and always have a
reason to smile, even through the worst times.
I have a great sense of humor but sometimes I'm
a little careless. I love food "What about
second breakfast?"

Which of the four main Hobbits are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Pippin.
(Please rate)

Which Lord of the Rings character are you? (with pictures and 9 results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Ouch!! you are Hott billy!!

What Billy Boyd pic are you like most?
brought to you by Quizilla

And now, before I go, here is my picture of the moment:

I feel: I hear: "Since you've been gone", Rainbow

I only wanted to see you laughing, in the Purple rain

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 21:11:11 GMT

Today has been...weird. My moods were up and down so much today. One minute I was laughing, like, really laughing, and the next moment I was crying my eyes out. I broke down completely later on in the evening, when I really panicked about where the hell my life was going. I need to get back into things...I need a routine. I have been looking at going back to doing music, art and drama studies alongside working within those courses. I know, now, what I have to do, but earlier, I was so scared and confused, I really don’t know where it all came from. I’ve just had a very weird day concerning my moods.

Anyway, things seemed to have settled down a bit now. I am much happier now. Much better than I was before. I got something from Sophie, today; she had gotten me a Boyd refrigerator magnet. She said there wasn’t my (father’s) clan: Boyde, but she seemed to think a different clan all together, but with the same name was better than nothing! But it was very nice of her to get me something at all. Thank you my Merry! :D This, she said was to go with the coaster she had gotten me, which is used especially for my morning coffee! Lol! But she was quite pleased I now have myself a little set of “Boyd” households.

I actually feel quite sad that Boyde has died out! Just because it’s an older clan, doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. *pout* but there is plenty of McAllister merchandise to tie me over! Lol! Anyway, enough about my clans and crap…how is everyone? I hope you all had a good day, and if anyone is around, I’m online if any of you guys want to talk. :)

I feel: I hear: "Purple Rain", Prince

Billy gets frustrated!

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 20:58:06 GMT

I just found this very small interview with Billy, where he's...get this...ANNOYED!!!
Anyway, it's only a few lines long, but I just thought I'd share.

Tiny interview.

I feel:

It's the schools that need work, not the pupils

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 17:33:12 GMT

I just caught the end of the news and this young boy from Kilmarnock is out of school and needing help because of being bullied so badly. The school did nothing to stop it. They only told him to "ignore the bullies and try to do his best with his work." He's only 11. It makes me so angry that people can just get away with treating people that way...more so when they're so young. He doesn't go to school anymore and he even self-harmed because of being bullied so much. And then, when they asked the people who bullied him, why they did it, all they could say was: "We were bored. He seemed the best target."

Anyone want to join a campaign with me to stop bullying for good?

I feel:

Monday, monday...

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 15:28:18 GMT

Rented Seed of Chucky today. It was nice being able to watch it again. And all the extras were a nice bonus. I don't think it is able to buy until next week, but it was well worth me renting it. I still loved it as much as I did when I saw it at the cinema. :)

My Aunt is doing better, now, which I am really pleased to say. She is still going through her treatment, but it finally seems to be working...

I also managed to get more than two hours sleep today, so I am hoping that's a start and I'll be able to sleep a couple hours tonight. I'm still pretty tired though!

My fish has to be the most amusing thing I have ever seen! He can see his own reflection in the tank and he stares at himself and then flits off before coming back to try and knock himself away. Then, he swims right up to the surface and flicks his tail out before going all the way back down to the bottom again! Great fun for the easily amused such as myself!

Ooh...and here's my favorite Billy pic of the moment:

But, other than those few things, my day has been pretty uneventful! Thanks to those I talked to last night, I had a great time, as usual, and I hope you're well! :D

I feel:

Something on a Sunday...

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 12:11:04 GMT

I had a really good time talking to some people on here, last night. So, if I talked to you, thank you, you really helped cheer me up and take my mind off a few things. I also got to speak to Sophie and I was really, really grateful that she said for a Christmas/Birthday present this year, she would get me a new cuff-watch.

You may have seen pictures of me in London where I have it on, and I am jut pleased you can't see it close-up! It really is a state! We decided we would both just take each other out to go shopping...maybe get one or two suprises, but mostly we'll chose what we want. And of course, I will have to throw in a few joke-gifts, too!

SEED OF CHUCKY TOMORROW! I am going out to rent it a.s.a.p!

Ooh...and I did a little quiz-thing today, too.

NAME 7 THINGS IN YOUR ( -----------)

...IN YOUR ROOM:
1. Bed
2. Nightstand
3. TV
4. Pictures
5. Dresser
6. DVDs
7. Books

... IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR:
1. Water
2. Milk
3. Mayo
4. Butter
5. Microwave foods
6. Various fruit and veg
7. Fruit-juice

...YOU SAY MOST:
1. Alright
2. Yeah
3. Ah, right
4. Aww
5. Oh
6. Sure
7. No problem

...YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:
1. I would imagine people can't live without food and water, but maybe that's just me?!
2. My Guitar
3. My friends
4. My close family
5. Understanding
6. Music
7. My brother

...YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Play a gig
2. See Sophie be able to stand on her own
3. Travel
4. Meet new people
5. Be content
6. Be happy
7. Help others

...YOU'VE EXPERIENCED IN YOUR LIFE:
1. Gone skinny dipping? No!
2. Had surgery? Yes
3. Swam in the dark? Yes
4. Been to a Bonfire? Yes
5. Ran away from home? Yes
6. Played strip poker? No
7. Pulled an all nighter? No

...IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU:
1. Cried? Yes
2. Sang? Yes
3. Been kissed? No
4. Felt stupid? No
5. Talked to an ex? No
6. Missed someone? Yes
7. Hugged someone? Yes

Well, I should be going. Hopefully, I'll talk to some more of you later, but if not, I hope you all take care and have fun! :D
-Charlie.

I feel:

Oh, to the life of an innsomniac...

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 23:11:06 GMT

Right, I was going to update before...I can think better now! I am really pleased because on Monday, Seed of Chucky comes out on DVD. I have been waiting for this for a while now, and I am so happy that I'll finally be able to own it and see all the extras and things.

As well as this, I got to speak to Sophie and tell her all about my: Billy, Dom, Sawyer, Evi, Hawaii, Glasgow, Southampton dream! lol! It was as weird as it looks!

Oh...and the people from the printing place said they would call me next week to talk to me about the job. They couldn't do it this week as the manager was sick. But fingers crossed, I'll get myself a nice new job!

I just realised it's gone midnight. Seriously, it feels as though it's only 7pm or something. I think I need to get a nice, warm drink, get into my pj's and hope that I will get a little bit of sleep tonight.

I feel:

Oooh...well look at this!

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 22:30:45 GMT

Thanks very much to scruffehluvr I now have a nice little mood-theme! So, not only do I have myself a banner, I have a mood-theme too! And...get this...it's a free account!! So, thank you very much! It looks great! Thank you! :) Although all credit for it goes to: chiflipgrl I'll do another update later, when my head has settled from all this new infomation! lol! I feel:

Stories!

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 13:17:42 GMT

Just updating with the second and third part of a story I started a few weeks ago. I updated with part one, as well incase you've either not read it before or needed to refresh what happened. I will update at a later time with the rest.
Please let me know what you think, but I hope you enjoy it. :)

My life beside you, part one
Part one:
The rain swept down and pounded against the window. The wipers of the car were on their fastest setting, but that didn’t seem to do enough justice. He leaned forwards in his seat, trying to get some kind of view out of the rain-induced window as he slowed his driving. He tightened his hands over the steering-wheel, and he put his lights on full beam.

“Pull over, Bills, I don’t want you driving in this,” Dom suddenly mentioned.

Billy had thought Dom had been sleeping. He had been resting up against the window in the passenger seat. Billy glanced at him very quickly.

“I can’t pull over anywhere-the road is too narrow,” He said.

Dom sat up a little and rubbed his eyes. “What time is it?” He asked.

Billy kept his eyes on the road. “Sometime after two,” he said.

Dom frowned. “You’ve been driving for nearly eight hours now. You can’t drive in this rain and this early in the morning with no sleep.” Dom said sternly. “Pull over,” he instructed.

Billy shook his head. “I can’t, Dom, there’s nowhere for me to pull over.” Billy insisted.

Dom sat forwards and tried to look through the rain and darkness. He followed the light of the beams and pointed. “There, look. It’s only a small road-side but it’ll be okay as long as you keep the lights full beam.”

Billy nodded and slowed a little more as he drove to the spot. The rain got harder and harder. The lights were at full beam, the wipers on their fastest setting but it didn’t seem to help with the worsening weather.

Two feet away from the road-side, Billy and Dom heard the horn of another car. Dom looked back.

“There’s no-one else on the road,” he said, looking back into the darkness.

Billy frowned. “There’s no-one in front,” he mentioned.

The horn grew louder. Dom spun back forwards and frowned through the darkness trying to find where it was coming from. Nothing but rain and darkness met his eyes, but he looked to Billy and things seemed to then happen in slow motion.

Billy’s eyes widened. He tried to stop the car but the tyres slipped on the wet road. He lost control of the wheel he called out before the car smashed full on into another one parked on the road-side where he had intended to park. The two cars collided, and despite smashing into the other car, Billy’s was thrown off the road-side and over the verge. The car tumbled down the grassy hillside, crashing into trees and plants, the sounds of smashing, creaking and breaking were all that could be heard before the car came hurtling to an abrupt stop. Nothing but silence followed. Silence and that of the pounding rain. The wipers were still going. The windows were broken. The front of the car was completely smashed-up, the sides and back were scraped and dented. A trail of broken branches and plants was left behind them.

Dom opened his eyes. He looked forwards, feeling blood run down from his forehead and nose. He looked down at his leg and saw his jeans were soaked with blood along his thigh and he looked closer and could see a small impalement of metal sticking out of his leg and he winched at the sight. He moved his neck slowly to look over to Billy. Dom felt his eyes filling up. Billy was slumped half against the steering-wheel, half against his window and he wasn’t moving. Dom couldn’t even see if he was breathing.

“Billy,” Dom whispered. His voice would not go any louder that that. He reached out a throbbing hand and placed it on Billy’s arm. “Billy,” he whimpered.

There was still no response. Dom could smell gas. He knew what happened when cars crashed. He felt panic rise through him, and fumbled about, trying to un-click his seat-belt. He managed to, but as soon as the buckle was loosened, the car let out a terrifying groan and tipped sideways slightly, the sound of branches breaking and creaking was so loud that Dom could feel it in his chest. He realised Billy’s side of the car was resting on a ledge. Any kind of heavy movement and the car would tip over completely. Dom the realised that if he was to get out, the weight would shift and Billy wouldn’t stand a chance. He had to wake up Billy and get more weight over on his own side. Too much weight was already on Billy’s and that was far too much for anyone’s liking.

Dom moved his hand, trying not to lean too much over on Billy’s side. He found Billy’s belt hoist and clicked it, unbuckling Billy’s seat-belt. Dom made sure to hold on to Billy as well as he was able to prevent him from leaning over anymore. He started to very slowly pull Billy towards him, hoping the weight would shift gently and the car wouldn’t be as at risk. Realising, also, that the gas wouldn’t wait, Dom started moving Billy a little quicker. Dom moved him enough to settle him over the gear-stick and then he turned his attentions back to the door.

The door was jammed as he tried to open it, so Dom moved up a little and rammed himself against it. As he did so, the whole car, on Billy’s side, lurched downwards and creaked loudly, more branches snapping and breaking. Dom felt himself starting to panic more so, he had to get them both out. He knew it would have to be quick for them both to stand any kind of a chance. Dom rose up again and rammed himself against the door, ignoring the sounds of the car’s weight loosening. He rammed once again and the door loosened and he was able to push it open a little. He clambered to his knees, trying desperately to ignore the pain in his thigh as he applied pressure to his legs and reached over very slightly and placed his arms under Billy’s.

“I’m sorry if this hurts” he whispered as the car creaked threateningly again.

In one fast movement, Dom hulled Billy towards him and backed out of the door as the car shot downwards again. Dom’s feet slipped on the wet mug and grass, but he didn’t let go of Billy as he tried to pull him free. Dom realised that somewhere, Billy was stuck. He just couldn’t pull him free. Dom struggled about trying to pull Billy out with all his might, but a thundering crash stopped him in his tracks and the car slipped, without warning off the edge. Dom was still holding Billy as it tipped downwards, the side he and Billy were on lifted into the air and the car crashed over the edge. Dom did not know what was happening. He kept his hold on Billy but he couldn’t keep his eyes open as the shaking and shuddering car continued to slide downwards. The last thing Dom saw was Billy’s lifeless body half in and half out of the car, before everything around him went black.

My Life beside you, Part two:
Part two:
Dom shivered. He felt so cold and wet. He was shaking and he felt so weak. His body felt twisted, his hands were cold with wet mud. He didn’t realise then, they were also mixed with blood. He felt hot tears running down his face but couldn’t help them. He looked over slowly to see if he could find where he was. He couldn’t move his leg. He felt something near him. He moved his neck slightly and looked over. Billy! Billy was there. He tried to call out but he couldn’t speak. Dom frowned slightly and raised his hand to his neck. A cold, sharp cut ran downwards along his neck and he felt himself panic as he realised he was bleeding.

“Billy!” he cried out harshly.

He coughed a few times and made himself shift onto his side. His entire body hurt as he did so. Suddenly he saw a light. He looked back and saw something shining over him.

“Hello!” Someone called.

Dom tried to cover his eyes from the brightness of the light. He saw a few people with torches and he waved to them as best he could.

“Down here!” he called as well as he was able.

Two men made their way over. They stopped short as they got closer and shone their lights over him.

“Fucking hell! You’re going to need a shit-load of help!” One of them cried.

Dom frowned slightly, looking panicked.

“Why? What is it?” He asked.

The two men talked between themselves for a few minutes before making their way back up the hill.

“Where are you going?” Dom called.

“We have to get help. We’ll be back soon!” They called.

Dom tried to call for them again, but it was too late they’d already gone. Dom felt himself crying again. He sighed and looked back over to Billy. He could only just make out his friend’s body. Dom closed his eyes and heaved himself over a little more.

“Bills?” he whispered.

There was no reply. Dom hulled himself over more so and managed to hold onto his friend. Billy was freezing cold. He was soaking wet, his skin frozen. Dom held onto him more tightly.

“Hey, guess what?” Dom whispered into Billy’s ear. “These two men came to get help. They said they’ll be back soon,” Dom said.

He felt himself crying over Billy. His friend just was not speaking or anything. It was almost as if he was--Dom did not want think of it. He couldn’t bare the thought of that happening to Billy.

The darkness was fading. It would be daylight soon. Dom had to keep Billy warm until daylight. He didn’t know what time it was. He didn’t know how long he’d been out there, but he was numb to the pain in his body. Numb to everything but the fear of something he would often try to avoid. He was growing tired. He knew he couldn’t sleep. He knew he had to stay awake. It was so hard trying to, but he knew he had to.

The two men had run up the hill back to their own car. They didn’t ever intend on getting help. They were the reason for Billy and Dom being down there in the first place. All they wanted to know was how bad the damage was. And all they planned on doing was fleeing.

My life beside you, part three:
Part three:

Dom opened his eyes, realising he’d fallen asleep. His heart pounded when he realised he’d not stayed awake. The cut in his neck had lessened and the pain was bearable. His thigh throbbed and the metal shard stuck out of it at a strange angle. Dom contemplated pulling it out but stopped when he suddenly remembered Billy. He looked over and felt himself hurl at the sight of his friend. He stomach retched.

Billy was a horrible grey-pale colour His lips and tip of his nose was tinted with blue. His cheek-bones were sunken and his body just seemed like a bag of bones. Dom cried almost immediately. Now it was light enough, he could see all the damage. The huge cut on the side on Billy’s head, the blood-stained shirt near Billy’s shoulder, his shin had been completely shattered and his arm was most certainly broken. Dom dragged himself over and rested his head gently on Billy’s stomach, crying into him.

“Billy, please-” he begged. “Please talk to me.” Dom couldn’t feel Billy’s chest rising or falling.

He looked back and saw the small cliff, where the car had fallen over, and above that, the hillside leading up to the road. He frowned, wondering where the men were. Help should have been here a long time ago. He looked back to Billy and felt his chest tighten.

“Billy, I have to go. I have to get us help. I don’t want to leave you but,” his voice wavered. “But if I don’t, you might leave me. For good,” he whispered.

Dom reached over and pulled some of the ripped material from the car-seat and placed it over Billy. He also found Billy’s jacket and covered him with that, too.

“You just, just keep warm.” Dom said. He leaned forwards and very gently kissed Billy’s forehead. “Don’t leave me, Pippin. Your Merry still needs you,” he cried against his friend’s cold skin.

Dom took a breath and looked back to where he’d have to go. He ripped off part of his sweat-shirt and tied it around his leg very tightly. He winced at the pain as it shot through him, but then he very un-steadily got to his feet. Continuously using plants and rocks for support, Dom very slowly made his way to the bottom of the small cliff. He could see a clear path through the trees, which he would be able to climb and he looked back to Billy once more before beginning the climb. It was a very long, slow and painful process, but he finally reached the top and collapsed on the ground. His whole body was trembling. He was cold, in pain and so damn scared he didn’t quite know what to do. He looked up to the hillside. It was very steep. He knew this would be much harder. There were no trees or anything he could hold onto. The ground was still very wet from the rains before, and, by the sights of the clouds, there was more rain to come. Dom took a very deep breath, closed his eyes and finally shouted.

“Help!”

His voice echoed around. Nothing but silence followed. He shouted out again. Once more and then once again, though this time it wasn’t half as loud. He felt tears run along his cheeks, when he realised he and Billy were nothing but alone.

Oops

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 11:56:00 GMT

arwen1682 I am so sorry! I got kicked, like I had said earlier. Sorry I just went offline. I really liked talking to you, and I really hope we can do it again. I'm really, really sorry.

Something to keep it ticking

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 01:43:19 GMT

With thanks to anyone and everyone that were able to get those REX pictures of Billy, I now have a nice, new layout.

What do you think?

A new pal...

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 21:49:02 GMT

My new pal! I have a baby goldfish and his name is Titch. I bought him today and he cost me a mere 99p.
I love him! He rocks.
That is all.

A rather large pic-spam

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 23:47:38 GMT

So I was hunting around for some good pics to make a pic-spam with but found this. One of the most vast collections I have ever seen of Billy and Dom! It spans over 4 pages and is very sweet. I intended to dedicate the pic-spam I was going to do to Sophie, for two reasons.

One, I wanted you to know how grateful I am for all the help you give me and two, I wanted to apologise for my laughing so hard at the fact you walked into a fucking spinning-door. HAHAHAHA! I really am sorry for laughing so much. It was just the noise and the fact you actually tried to walk through glass, even after you hit your own FACE! hahahah!!!

Anyway....seriously, I am sorry about that, and I really did want to thank you for being such a good friend. I don't know why, but I had myself a little cry over some of these. They reminded me so much of us that it made me miss you! And I can certainly see you in some of Dom's expressions!

Still, I take no credit for this pic-spam nor do I own any of the picutes. But I dedicate every single one of them to you.

Dom and Billy