I'm going down to see Sophie at the end of the week. I'm going to see her before she starts Uni again, so that will be a lot of fun! Aside from that, there really isn't too much going on with me, but my Aunt is doing much better, which I am very grateful about. She is still receiving treatment, but things have started to pick up a bit, so that makes me feel much better.
Can I also just say, a big thank you to those who have been reading my latest fiction, Burning up, I really am very grateful for you leaving comments and it really does make a lot of difference, letting me know what you think. So thank you all very much! :)
Burning up, part four
Dom’s body shook. He sat on the bathroom floor, playing the razor through his fingers. I gently ran it across his arm, lightly brushing the cold silver against his skin. He felt the tears run down his face and gave a small mumble of sobs. He’d tried to hold it together. He’d slept for over three hours, but when he had woken, Billy was asleep on the sofa. Dom had since gone to the bathroom and was now in this state. The worst part was that he didn’t even know why he felt like this. There was just a big weight on his chest and it wouldn’t move. He sniffled a few more times and pushed down a little harder as he ran the razor over his arm.
“You don’t have to do that,” A voice said.
He looked up. Billy stood in the doorway, his arms folded. He looked back to the razor in his hand and sighed.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” he muttered.
Billy sighed, lowering himself to the ground. He sat across from Dom. He looked at his face, saying nothing for a short time and he very slowly rolled up his sleeve.
“You want your arms to look like this?” Billy asked softly, showing Dom his own scars.
Dom glanced to them. He knew all about them. Billy had been very clear from the start that he was a self-abuser. Dom already knew this. He frowned slightly, wondering why Billy was showing him again.
“You want to have your own arm tell a story of everything bad thing you ever felt? A constant reminder of how bad things were for you, or how much it hurt?” Billy asked very softly.
Dom didn’t know what to say. He still held to razor, resting it delicately on his own arm.
“You can do it, if you think it’ll help,” Billy said, pulling his sleeve back down.
Dom sighed. “Did it help you?” he asked.
Billy shook his head. “I thought it would. I thought I could get all the anger and frustration I was feeling out, if I did that.” He sighed a little.
“Why do you still do it?” Dom asked.
Billy sighed. “I never faced my problems and learned how to cope,” he admitted.
Dom looked at Billy and frowned. He could half-understand what he was saying, but Billy always seemed to positive when he went out or did conventions and met fans.
“Why do you hide it behind a mask?” Dom asked.
Billy looked up and bit his lip. He ran his fingers over the tiles of the bathroom floor and shrugged a little.
“I’m an actor. It’s what I do. I spend my whole life wearing someone else’s coat, just so I don’t have to wear my own for a little while. But when it’s finished and I hang that coat back up, I’m still me. I’m unhappy, depressed, mentally scarred--whatever it is, I’ve never gotten over it, Dom. Even with my sister and all the people that love me. It’s not something you can just push away.” He explained softly.
Dom nodded. He looked at Billy before looking back to the razor again.
“But sometimes, you’re okay.” Dom said. “How do you do that?” He asked.
Billy rested back against the wall, seeing Dom play the razor against his fingers.
“I’ll write a song, play my guitar, do some martial arts and punch out all my frustration.” He said. “Lots of things,” he replied.
Dom nodded and sighed again. He frowned and let the tears fall across his nose. He put a little more pressure on the blades and ran it along his arm, leaving a small, thin scratch. It was barely even a graze.
“What about when you can’t find the hope?” Dom whispered.
Billy leaned forwards and gently took the razor from him. “I talk to my Merry.” He said, very softly.
Dom felt his whole body shudder as hard tears escaped him. Billy moved the razor away from Dom but caught him as his friend fell forwards into his arms.
He sobbed loudly and for a good while before finally whispering: “I don’t want to cut, Pip.” into Billy’s shoulder.
Billy gently ran his hand over Dom’s back, while he moved his other hand through Dom’s hair. He nodded and shushed him softly.
“And you don’t have to. I won’t let you,” Billy whispered back.
They were in the bathroom for a long time. Billy gently kissed Dom’s forehead and stood up. He smiled down at him.
“We have to leave soon,” Billy said.
Dom looked up at him and frowned. “Why?” he asked.
“The surprise I told you about,” he said.
Dom stood and very slowly left the bathroom. He saw his bags were packed in the living room and he looked to Billy.
“What the hell?” He asked, he seemed to grow angry.
Billy smiled and went to the kitchen pulling something wrapped over to him.
“Open this,” he said.
Dom frowned and did so. He unwrapped it to find a dark green surfboard with flecks of yellow and blue. It had a 1970’s “Peace and Love” motif on the bottom.
Dom looked at him. “You got me a new surfboard?” He asked, almost in disbelief.
Billy smiled, and handed him an envelope.
“And a plane ticket,” he said softly. He smiled. “You’re coming back to Mexico with me for a while.” Billy said.
Dom felt his heart skip a beat. He cried again, but went to Billy pulling him close.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
Billy smiled and hugged him quickly.
“We need to leave for the airport now,” he said.
Dom nodded, grabbed his bags and his surfboard and headed down to the car with Billy.
Everything was going so well. They’d reached the airport and Dom had brightened up a little. Inside check-in, everything was fine and they weren’t bothered too much by fans or other people who wanted to talk to them.
As they were waiting in the airport lounge, a few people came over to Billy, as he was at the vending machine. He seemed a little annoyed, but sighed pictures and posed for photographs nonetheless. Dom watched from the far corner and sighed. A third and then a fourth fan came over and Billy had still not gotten anything to drink.
“Fucking hell, give him a break, will you?” he shouted, walking over.
Billy looked to Dom, surprised. He moved forwards and held Dom’s arm. “It’s fine,” Billy said.
Dom moved away from him and narrowed his eyes. “Are you guys bloody blind? He’s getting a drink! He just wants to get a bloody drink and you need to swarm him like fucking wasps!”
Billy attempted to apologise to his fans, and moved Dom away. “It’s alright!” Billy said, sounding annoyed.
Dom glared at him. “When will you fucking get some balls?” He asked.
Billy looked a little surprised. He gave a sigh. “I don’t mind meeting my fans. I’m sorry you don’t feel the same. It doesn’t mean I need to prove myself in some way, just because it’s something I like to do.”
Dom sighed. He bit his lip. He felt so annoyed. Why couldn’t Billy see he was only standing up for him?
“Well that’s a fancy kick up the arse. Thanks for standing up for me, Dom, thanks for telling them right,” He said sarcastically.
Billy ran his hand through his hair in annoyance. His patience was beginning to wear thin. He didn’t say anything else to Dom. He turned away and went to finished seeing to his fans. Dom sighed again, turned away from him and went to the bathroom.
Dom sat in the cubicle and cried hard. He was having no control over his emotions and it frustrated him so damn much. He finally gave into it, going through his pocket and pulling out his mini bottle-opener.
Billy glanced round, seeing Dom wasn’t there. He felt himself panic a little. He smiled to his fans once more. “Thanks! I have to get going, you take care now,” he said, and went out of the lounge. Dom wasn’t there. Billy felt his heart beating faster as he started walking up the hall. He scanned the place quickly with his eyes, but there was no sign.
Suddenly the bathroom door swung open. Dom stumbled out, holding his arm, blood running across his hand.
“Billy!” he cried.
Billy cursed before going over. He grabbed Dom upwards and pushed him back into the bathroom, closing the door and sitting Dom down on one of the toilets.
“What happened?” He asked, still in panic.
Dom didn’t look to Billy’s face. He whimpered a little and held his arm tightly. He didn’t speak for a long time. Eventually, his sobs lessened and his looked to Billy. There was so much hurt and pain and confusion in Dom’s eyes, that it hurt Billy’s heart to see him looking so lost.
“I lost my Pippin,” Dom finally whispered.
To be continued...